Cover His Face,...He Died Young

When I got the news, I would have given anything for it not to be true. Day and night, for many weeks this poem ran through my head.

~Jason, my baby brother.

1975-2004

ELAINE

OH, come again to Astolat!
  I will not ask you to be kind.
And you may go when you will go,
  And I will stay behind.

I will not say how dear you are,
  Or ask you if you hold me dear,
Or trouble you with things for you
  The way I did last year.

So still the orchard, Lancelot,
  So very still the lake shall be,
You could not guess--though you should guess--
  What is become of me.

So wide shall be the garden-walk,
  The garden-seat so very wide,
You needs must think--if you should think--
  The lily maid had died.

Save that, a little way away,
  I'd watch you for a little while,
To see you speak, the way you speak,
  And smile,--if you should smile. 

--Second April, by Edna St Vincent Millay

Thursday Thirteen: Thirteen Things I Wish I Hadn't Never

1. Said nice things about Mimmo. When that guy asked me to tell him what I thought of Mimmo in Italian, my response should have been two words; "Troppo giovane".

2. Started pretending I can add and subtract. I. Cannot. Balance a checkbook. It's online banking for me, baby!

3. Told a certain person he could come see me. We weren't just on different continents, we were on different planes of existence.

4. Started Tweeting. 'Cause now, even though I rarely tweet; I still think about tweeting when I'm not tweeting.

5. Finished my screenplay. Um...'cause I don't exactly know what to do with myself...hence, the blog.

6. Left when the vet told me I shouldn't stay while he put down my cat. I promised her I'd be with her. There will always be a blank space where I should find the end of our lives together.

7.  Had root canal. Whoof!

8. Started watching The Bachelor again. They pullllled me back in.

9. Been at my brother's funeral. It was a circus.

10. Let my mother co-opt my relationship with my niece. I was very ill at the time, but I should have fought harder to have her brought to see me.

11. Heard the song, 'I Shot The Sheriff'. The version which continues to play in my head is a really bad rendition by an American Idol hopeful. Yikes.

12. Tried sushi. I had no idea how much I'd love it; or how much I'd miss it now that I have nooo money.

13. Been exposed to the Thursday Thirteen. Now I'm completely hooked.

Tags: thursday thirteen, meme, death, siblings, italy, cfs, cfids, regret




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Yay!!!!!

So we're launched and I couldn't be happier. The site has some minor formatting issues, some due to my own ignorance of formatting and others are editing issues that I will work out in coming days.
So, I launched 13 minutes late. I had a of some sort, like two hours later, too wound up to settle to celebration after hitting the 'Publish To Web' button. Like I said there are some things, but I'm very happy with the site over all. I am very grateful to those of you who have answered my ad, or who have been kind enough to answer my direct requests with articles and artwork. Thank you!
My brother died a year ago today. I really began to feel it after all the hoopla died down. But I'm glad, hereafter to hold July 12 as a bittersweet day, rather than only a bitter one. 'night all. --dB

Cover His Face... He Died Young

My brother is dead. Dead at 28. Dead and estranged from me. Dead and mourned by a daughter to whom he was everything.

Jason Sullivan August 31, 1975 - July 12, 2004

Home Again, Home Again...Jiggety-Jig (sigh)

ANyway...As I was saying. The morning I woke up in Berkely, my heart was light, my spirit soaring. But then, but then. My cellphone seemed loaded with messages. Given, however, my newly foot-loosed and fancy-free state, I saw no reason to speak with anyone whom I didn't care to at that moment...Up to, and including (or more like especially) my mother. So I sat in bed with the weighty Turkey on my legs and made some calls. It was lovely. A text message flashed into my phone, my friend in Sacramento saying "PLEASE CALL". Looking in the 'missed calls' log, I could see I was very popular that morning. My friend had tried to call, my mother...I could think of only one reason why both of those people would be attempting to reach me at the same time. There was only one link between them. A thought I could feel in the back of my mind, but I couldn't bear to bring forward to consciousness.